And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
