You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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