did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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