My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
