Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
