Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
