Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
