I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
