just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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