awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
