it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
