I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
