I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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