the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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