eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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