I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
