My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
