Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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