Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
