OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
