I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
