dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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