In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
