I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
