Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
