I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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