I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
