i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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