so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
