Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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