dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
