goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
