I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
