Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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