My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
