I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I want to be your penis for a week.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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