vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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