Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
