my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
