i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
