that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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