dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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