My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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