so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
