I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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