I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
