I got her a Nickelback box set.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
