i permit you to call me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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