I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
