I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My balls are so social today.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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